Now, I admit that was fun.
But I ask you...
why do we yawn at creation and thrill at destruction?
- Why? - Okay. Okay.
- Ask yourself why. - Here it is. Here's his agenda.
Let me tell you, I've been watching for a long, long time, and I don't like what I see.
I really don't. Everybody's anxious and scared.
Everybody's working all the time, but what do you really gain?
And our kids... Our kids play with computer pets because they've learned from us...
to trust machines more than they do people.
We acquire, we consume and we waste.
He's barking mad. He's a lone nut.
And that's not how it was supposed to be.
I promise you that was not the plan.
And I think it's time some things changed around here. Don't you?
- What the hell is going on here? - Turn your sets off.
- TV history? - Okay, cut him, cut him.
Here's your chain saw. 'Night, Ricky.
Here you go. Right there.
Would you guys excuse us, please?
I need to talk to Ricky alone.
- Okay, guys. - Barry, just for a moment, please?
Yeah. I'm out.
What were you thinking?
I don't know.
Ever since you guys showed up, all I do is go backwards.
You know, it seems like no matter what I've done you get offended...
or, you know, I make him mad and...
I mean, I didn't... I don't wanna lose this job.
I... You know, I like workin' here. I...
I like selling. I'm good at it.
I think. My dad was a salesman.
On the road. You know Evinrude Motors?
Yeah, outboard motors.
He did the whole Lake Erie region, both sides of the border.
Wow. I drove with him...
for a couple of... a couple of summers.
Man, this Caprice he had was like his home.
The stick shift he would make his place for rubber bands.
He'd keep all his rubber bands on the stick shift.
And then he had his notes all organized...
with paper clips in a very particular way.
And red liquorice. Boxes of red liquorice.
We had a good time...
for a while.
What happened?
Oh, bad luck, I guess.
Nobody water skis on a dead lake.
So...
You know, he tried anyway, but, uh...
You know, you start to push and get sweaty, and they can smell it.
- Wow. This is so weird. - What?
I'm starting to think of you as a real person.
Well, yeah. Sure.
This whole broken, pathetic husk thing is just...
You know... I know. It's very appealing.
Well, if ya got it, flaunt it.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Yeah.
- If I may say... - You're through, Hayman! Get lost!
- Hey. - How'd it go with McB?
- Fine, fine. - What happened?
Oh, he was very gracious. No legal action.
And he gave me a full 15 minutes to leave the premises.
Come on. Move. He's flying to D.C.
- We can still catch him in the parking lot. - Who is?
- The boss! - No, Kate, it's over.
Not when he sees these. Come on. Put that down.
These are the numbers from G's show.
- Caller volume spiked the second he came on. - So what?
They were probably calling to get that nutcase off the air.
- He reached them. They liked him. - Oh, geez.
They wanted to buy something; they just didn't know what.
John, this is a 30% jump.
Major audience connection with a spokesperson. Ricky was right.
What the hell are you saying? We give this maniac another chance?
Ah! Which maniac would that be?
I thought about this all night. G shook them up.
He's dangerous, but he represents an honesty that people are longing for.
Totally. And he represents a spirituality...
Spirituality on a home shopping network?
I'm sorry. Did I say spirituality? I think I mean unconventionality.
- Unique, heartfelt, wise. - Pithy.
- Pithy? - Survey after survey shows...
that after people buy, they feel guilty.
Even if they can afford it, they feel it was wrong to buy something for themselves.
Why not put somebody on the air who makes them feel good about themselves for a change?
Absolutely. And, listen, let me just work with the guy and let me focus his message.
I think... We think that G could give us that unique image that you're looking for.
Give me the deadest hour of the day. 2:00 a. m.?
All right.
But I... I kid you not...
if I'm embarrassed in any way, shape or form, it is going to be both your asses.
- My ass entirely. Well... - My ass too, sir.
I mean, that's rough, you know, but... you get the idea.
Yes.
You're a hungry one, aren't you, Scott?
- Excuse me? - No need for excuses. I'm a hungry one too.
But what is it you really want? It isn't this.
I want all of it... the whole thing.
Give me the network. Let me run with it.
I'll give you a redesign that'll double sales inside of 18 months.
What about Kate... and Hayman?
Kate's smart.
She wants to stay on and work for me, fine.
Hayman can call in and buy things...
just like everybody else.
I can't believe we're doin' this again.
- One minute! - Okay. A nice, deep breath. That's good.
- One minute! - What do you think? One minute!
- You with the programme? You with us? - You're a natural.
- Are you with us? - Oh, yeah.
Okay, okay. Now remember... Let's go over this one more time. Here's the TelePrompTer.
- Okay. - And when the red light goes on, you're on, start reading.
- Okay. - Remember, hold the product up.
- Fifty seconds! - Okay, we're gonna be in the booth.
- Okay. - You're a natural.
That's 'cause I love show business.
- And show business loves you. - Show business. It's a business. Show business.
Camera one up. Camera two standing by.
Audio up.
- Audio. And five... - And count it off.
Four, three.
- Oh, please speak. - Mr. Mum, Mr. Hush. I can't believe it.
- Hello. - Okay. Hold it up.
...wonderful new product we have here.
It's called the starfish pendant.
- He's holding it up. - He's good.
It's made out of two-karat gold, wonderful two-karat gold, which makes it very charming.
Because it's so very light, it's easy to wear.
And kids love it. It looks great at parties.
And the starfish pendant...
Talk. Keep reading, keep reading.
- I have something better for you than a necklace. - Oh, no.
This brought back a memory.
- Something that happened to me when I was a little boy. - Memories are good.
There was a storm.
And thousands and thousands of starfish were washed up on the shore.
- Only four days ago you waved him over. - Let's just hold on, hold on.
And there was this beautiful little girl running down the beach picking up the starfish.
She was frantically throwing them back into the ocean.
When I saw her doing this, I said to her, "Why are you doing that?
You can only save a few before they die. What difference does it make?"
And she looked at me and she said...
"To that one, it makes a difference. "
"To that one, it makes a difference," that little girl said.
And she was right. At that very moment, she was making a difference for that starfish...
and she was making a difference for herself too because she was connected to that starfish.
And that's what life is all about... connecting.
In fact, that's the only time you're ever alive, really, is when you're connecting.
That's kind of a nice story.
That's sweet. That's sweet.
Well, thank you for tuning in.
And remember, let go...
give in and take the journey.
Oh, wait! One other thing.
I work here with my friend Ricky Hayman.
Where'd he get that? Where'd he get that picture?
- He asked. I just... - Oh, Barry, you didn't.
- What? - I-I didn't...
Ricky doesn't like himself because he doesn't think...
he's a good person 'cause he can't see all of his good qualities.
- So... Can you come in closer? - Sam, frame off the picture.
- Oh, this is... - Sam, Sam.
- I didn't... I didn't know he was gonna... - Don't go in close. Don't.
- Don't, don't. - Go in close.
Don't. Don't go in close. Sam!
- Too late. - Oh, this is everybody's joke?
- Yes. - I see. Ha-ha-ha.
It's funny day. Hey, cheesy.
Don't. No. Don't, don't, don't.
There's two things you can do for me for my friend Ricky Hayman.
If you run into this man anywhere, if you see him anywhere...
one thing is, go up to him and tell him...
something nice about himself to build up his confidence.
Compliment his dress or his hairstyle or something.
"You look great today, Ricky. " Something, you know, that's reassuring to him...
because he has a very, very low self-image.
This is the lowest moment of my life.
And the second thing is you... Hug him.
No, this is the lowest moment of my life.
If you see this man, give him a hug.
He really, really wants to be hugged, and he's not used to it.
- No! - He really needs it.
No, no. No.
I just wanted to tell you I think you're really...
really tall.
- Very nice. - Thank you for the national humiliation. Thank you.
Wait, wait, wait. Look at this. Humiliated today, hero tomorrow.
Hey, take a look at this. Look at the numbers.
- Unbelievable. - Are those the actual numbers? Those are the actual numbers.
- These are the pendants? - He did it.
- Look at that. - I can't believe it. It's awesome.
My friends, do you have food that goes to waste?
You ever thought about using your drive time to cook a meal for your family?
Do you feel the need to store your vegetables and lunch meats forever?
We say wet it again... with Foggy.
It's the Hood Buddy... the air filter that uses the heat...
of your gas-guzzling engine to cook fabulous meals while you drive.
Lil Squirt...
it's a festive fountain that gives your fanny...
"a kiss of refreshing mist. "
But look what we did with Foggy!
We made banana mush.
Soot gives it a unique, unrivalled, rich, hearty, robust aroma.
Why would you dry these bananas out in the first place?
Then I have two words for you, G... suck it.
Lil Squirt. This is probably the nastiest product on the entire network.
- 10-4, Hood Buddy. - Yummy.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
But let's face it. The seat-warmers...
that you're sitting on are getting more out of life than you are.
Yes, they are. And if I were you... and I am you...
If I were you, what I would do...
is I would embrace each and every new day...
like it was a long-lost lover...
and squeeze all the life juice I possibly could.
The juicer, the juicer. Sam, get a shot of the juicer.
- Juicers, juicers. Okay, tight shot. - Kitchen-Aid, 79.95.
Kitchen-Aid juicer, 79.95.
- Fabulous. - Go, go, go.
Home shoppers have found a new guru.
His name is G, and he's a mixture of higher thinking and lower prices.
Okay, get off the phone. You have to look at these.
- I'll call you later. - "TV Guide," "Time," "Forbes. "
Correct me if I'm wrong, sir...
I don't wanna put words in your mouth.
- It felt to me as if we had a deal. - Well, you felt wrong.
I said if Hayman screwed up, you were in.
He didn't. This G goof of his...
is the biggest thing to hit home shopping since the cubic zirconia.
That doesn't pique your Sherlock Holmes brain cells?
My God, the man has no history...
no social security number, no driver's license...
voter's registration, birth certificate, nothing.
G isn't even a name, for crying out loud. You don't find that curious?
Yes, I do. I just don't find it illegal.
There is a definite Talmudic wisdom to G's philosophy. He is clearly a student of the...
Koran figures prominently in G's aphorisms.
And I'm sure he will tell you he's...
A student of the New Testament.
G's essential religious foundation...
so clearly echoes the teachings of Jesus Christ...
that I wonder if he might not have spent some time in the seminary himself.
No, don't change anything. I wanna keep it simple.
What? What did I tell you? Every market.
Right! Every market. Let's run it everywhere. Full page.
- I don't care how much it costs. Save me this stuff in the... - Right.
What? A week. Let's run it for a week, see what happens.
No, man. Thank you.
Hi, nice to see you... talk to you. Hi, hey!
- Hey. Hey. - Hey!
The, uh... We're glad to get you.
Listen, we're just sittin' around here... I know it's sort of last minute.
- We were... - Wondering if I wanted to go out for a drink?
Exactly right. The, uh... I don't know what you have a taste for, but...
- How about the Breakwater? - I love the Breakwater. It's, um...
- What time is it? 7:00? - Can you pick me up in half an hour?
- We will see you in one half hour. - Great.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
- I'm wet. - You're so wet.
Look at that. Well, Scott was certainly right about one thing.
About what?
You do have elegant toes.
Scott was, um...
What? You two dated?
A while ago.
For about a minute.
Well, you know, he seems like a...
- Like a determined... - Yeah.
- Guy. - Scott was very interested in me...
in our relationship... until he got his introduction to McBainbridge.
What? Feel like he used you?
He did some work for us. Made me look good, so...
I guess we used each other.
All's fair, right?
I had a really nice time.
I had a nice time too.
I'll see you tomorrow.
See you later.
Ricky!
I loved our dance.
Damn.
- It's G. - What's happening?
Somebody came forward, some woman. She says G's her husband.
Says he has a whole family... six kids... in Chicago.
- Just walked out, abandoned them. - Oh, I don't believe that.
- She's holding a press conference in an hour. - Where?
It was time for this charade to end.
This man, G, had already hurt me and my kids.
And, well, when I saw this...
I knew I couldn't let him hurt any other innocent people.
Well, isn't this just lovely.
Scott, get us out of this.
Okay, people. Here's the bitter truth.
The only way we're gonna get out of this in one piece is to face it.
So, I'm sorry, but, Ricky, Kate, you're gonna have to resign.
G hasn't said if she's telling the truth.
G, do you know this woman?
Yes, that's Grace from Chicago.
She's holding little Iris and that's Michael and Lloyd with her.
Excuse me a second.
- Where are you going? - Going to say hello.
- G, do you know this woman? - Kids, hi!
It's so good to... Everybody's gotten so big.
G, how long were you married before you deserted Grace and the kids?
- What? - G, why did you marry Grace, father six children...
and just run off in the middle of the night?
You, you know what you did. You left.
- Now, that's true. I did leave. - Why did you lie to America?
- We trusted you. - How many other families have you destroyed?
- Give us the real story. - What is the truth here?
Are you concerned about possible jail time?
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Please, wait a minute.
Stop, stop. I lied. I lied!
I lied for the money.
G... G's a saint.
He's not my husband or their dad.
I wish...
He stayed with us a few winters ago as a friend.
He helped us.
I am so sorry.
I thought...
You know, I just...
It's all right.
Okay? You all right?
That man.
I called him, and I told him that I knew G.
- Who's she talking about? - He offered me money. Five grand.
$5,000 to get up here and say a few words, to get up here and lie.
He paid me to lie about G.
I'm sorry. I may be poor, but there's your bad man right there! There he is.
- Where? - Scott Hawkes!
Is this a conspiracy, Scott, or were you by yourself?
- No, I have no comment. - No more questions.
Privacy. Just a little privacy.
- I only have a comment at this point. - Tell us the truth.
Don't, don't, don't... Let him alone. Let him have a little privacy.
And, uh... No, I wanna take care of that.
Listen, I've been empowered by Mr. John McBainbridge...
to offer Grace $5,000...
on behalf of G and the Good Buy Network...
uh, as well as $5,000 worth of Good Buy products...
including the, uh...
new George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducer Grill Machine...
that's available only on Wednesday nights on George's show here on our show.
- This sounds like a publicity stunt. - Certainly is not, Tanya.
It was what it was, and let's all continue on our journey.
Thanks so much.
Oh. Don't you think we're going a little far?
With what? The announcer? It's the top of the show. Pizazz.
We're just kidding around with that, but I want to make it an event.
Here's G!
Would your life be better with a bigger TV set?
- Yeah, sure. - On Sundays, yeah.
- Or a V.C.R.? - TV set, V.C.R.
Or a laser disc, yes?
He's especially excited about laser discs. Great. Look up the numbers; get ready to type.
- No. - No?
No.
No, no. Can't you see? This... This doesn't mean anything.
- My clothes don't mean anything. - I just wish he weren't so... anti-everything.
You know what's really important?
- I'll show you. Come on. - Oop, here we go. Fasten your seat belts.
- Come with me? - Come with me. - Let me show you.
This is important.
This is crucial.
This is something that every person should have in their life.
This is a gift you will never get tired of.
Her name is Kate, and she is as wonderful as you possibly can get.
And you know why? Because when you talk to Kate...
she listens to what you say.
And that's more important than any V.C.R. And any television.
Isn't that right, Kate?
I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. What'd you say?
How could you not love this woman? How charming is she?
How wonderful is she? Let me tell you.
Let me tell you what everybody out there needs to find ultimate and true happiness.
Come back, Brutus.
Seventy-five years. That's how much time you get if you're lucky.
Seventy-five years. Seventy-five winters...
seventy-five springtimes, seventy-five summers and seventy-five autumns.
When you look at it like that, it's not a lot of time, is it?
Don't waste them. Get your head out of the rat race...
and forget about the superficial things that preoccupy your existence...
and get back to what's important now.
Right now, this very second.
And I'm not saying drop everything and let the world come to a grinding halt.
I'm saying that you can become a seeker. You can be loving more.
You could be taking some chances. You could be living more.
You can be spending more time with your family.
You can be getting in touch with the part of you that lives instead of fears...
the part of you that loves instead of hates...
the part of you that recognizes the humanity in all of us.
And I tell you, that's where your fortune...
Oh, there it is. It was a momentary bobble. We're back, we're back.
Careful, Brutus, don't fall down. I want you to see something.
Something very, very important.
Okay, right here.
Can you fill the screen up with this grass here for me, Brutus?
That's the answer right there.
That's what it's all about, right there.
Just take a little break just for a second.
Just, just look at this, this beautiful...
peaceful parcel of earth around us.
Go ahead, wherever you are. Just...
Just go look at some grass. Go ahead.
Just go do it. Just, just go...
Just go look at some grass.
Speedy, come on over here. Take a look at this grass.
Barry. Barry! Barry. Barry.
Gentlemen, battle stations, battle stations.
J.P., we're just about to get ready to shoot here live.
Okay, go, go. Barry, Barry! Where is he? Where is he?
Come on, come on, come on! We're just about to cut to you.
Hold up the mat. Yeah. I want you to talk about the mat.
- Okay? - I don't wanna. I'm not on-air.
- Let's call it a peaceful parcel. - "Peaceful par... "? What?
- Do you understand? - I'm not... I'm not on-air...
Go, go!
Can we... Are we... We're gonna go in tight, right?
'Cause I don't... Oh. Oh, man.
Okay, Sam, what's up? Barry, he's on the floor with one of his mats.
The grass mats. Get ready to go to a shot of him or a close one on the mat.
Right. One, on Barry. Two, tight on mat.
- Here we go. - Ricky, I am not on-air talent!
Also, get ready to go to the graphics. Ready!
- Okay, graphics prepped and ready. - You have to let go...
Of your worries.
- Go to graphics. - Go to graphics.
- Go to G. - G. - G up.
- Give in... - To your desires.
- Go to graphics. - Graphics.
- Go to G. - On G.
- And take the journey... - To your telephone...
and call the Good Buy Channel...
where the good buys are available 24-hours a day.
- Go to graphics. - Graphics.
- Go to Barry. - And to Barry. - Cue Barry.
Okay.
- Thanks, G. Um... - Good.
You're watching the, uh, the Good Buy Shopping Network...
where the grass is always... just a little bit greener.
Look at him go.
This is Kate. Hi, Mary.
Great. I'll tell him.
Well, we don't have to worry about what to do with the grass mats.
- They're selling out. - Already?
Now, that's what I like to hear. The grass mats are selling out.
All right!
Thank you so much. Good job.
If you're feeling bad, and you want a little spring...
in your winter...
Well, that was just the best macaroni and cheese dinner I think I ever... had.
Kraft in the box is, of course, the classic...
- but you have a... touch. - My pleasure.
- Are you okay? - I'm fine.
Wait a minute.
The way you say "I'm fine... "
What's the matter?
I'm worried about G.
Remember when we first met him?
He was so happy. And that smile.
And now he just seems drained.
Well, like us. You know, it's all the work.
Right, it is all the work. And now that he's caught on, it'll only get worse.
It started so simply, and now it's become this whole, big production.
It's the Hayman and Newell circus...
with the G chants and the orchestras and the announcers.
- Kinda fun, huh? Kitsch. - Oh. Today...
- Yeah? - At the station, they were pitching me things that go...
- way beyond the G T-shirts. - What did they show you?
They have got this cheese spread...
- named after him called... - G Whiz.
- What? Is that terrible? - Oh.
- You knew about this? - I helped come up with it.
- I thought it was funny. - Oh, Ricky.
- What? - What about that wrapping ribbon...
- called the, the... - G String.
Look, I mean, who are we hurting anyway?
You know, the people who are getting this amazing message?
I don't think so. You know. Certainly... Are we hurting G?
You know, instead of getting stuff tossed at him on some lonely highway...
he's reaching America, he's reaching the country.
Who's losing out? It's all good.
Yes, but we are making money off of that image.
But... No, but so does every religion that sells a crucifix...
or a Star of David or a stick of incense is making money.
And, you know, everything that we sell...
people are buying, I think, 'cause they feel closer to G.
And if they wear a G T-shirt, people think, oh, you know...
what he's all about, what he's talking about, and they become better people.
Don't you think so? I think so.
The difference is...
- What? - G would do this for free.
I think we should let him go.
What?
I mean, he's not chained in my basement, you know. He's a free man.
- But what are you talking about? - It's the right thing to do.
I've decided to take G prime time.
I'm gonna give him his own half-hour show. What's the matter?
- Surely you don't think this is a bad idea. - No, no.
He has the broadest appeal of any on-air personality we've ever had.
Yeah, that's right, that's right, but, uh...
And I love the idea of a new G show. I was thinking the same thing.
This is so funny. That's why I wanted to talk to you. Listen to this.
I think it's a great idea. What if...
uh, we start a show... whatever time slot...
with G and other hosts?
Wait a minute. An ensemble show...
where G doesn't have to, you know, carry the whole thing.
- We could even phase him out at some point... - Are you nuts?
He's the guy they're interested in. I don't understand your hesitation.
Oh, wait a second. Wait. I know.
- Yeah. - I know, and I understand.
- Yeah! - You're upset because I promised I'd take care of you...
if this took off, and I haven't.
- Oh. Oh. - Yet.
But if you launch this...
and if you make it work...
then... everything you've wanted...
everything that you have ever dreamed about will be yours...
an office next to mine...
a view of the studio, a car...
the perks, the bonuses...
everything will be yours.
- And Kate? - To hell with Kate.
Do you wanna produce the show or don't you?
Look, as far as I'm concerned, Kate is indispensable.
We couldn't have gotten here without Kate, and...
my deal would have to be in place, 'cause, that's right...
- you said the last show, if I made that work... - I also said...
to get G signed up, and have you done that, Mr. On-the-ball?
- Yeah, he's been here. - I don't see any paper.
Oh, well, that's just a matter of signing.
Why? He doesn't have a pen? You get him signed up.
And then... we'll talk your deal.
Whether you're a lover of jazz, gospel, classic or rock...
you'll be able to select the kind of sound...
that is going to fit whatever kind of music you enjoy.
This is the stereo that really does give you all kinds of features...
but it does it in a compact size.
So if it's gonna go on a bookshelf, if it's gonna go...
Am I bothering you?
No. How could you ever bother me? I love talking to you.
That's what I wanted to do... talk with you.
Ricky and I were thinking...
Excuse me one second. Hello?
Yes, Dr Simon.
So tell me, how long before I can continue my journey?
How could it be chronic?
Uh, how can it be chronic?
Well, i-it's chronic because...
It's chronic because of the decrease that we registered in your...
I'm sorry, I got...
I got a little phlegm there. And...
Yeah, the, um, the decrease we registered in your "N... "
Dolphins. Endorphins!
I'm sorry, I-I couldn't read my own writing.
You know, doctor's handwriting. Yes.
Uh, that number was sufficiently...
low, so...
ass two, as to...
demonstrate... that you...
have a...
poor heart...
At this time, I'm...
I'm, uh...
I'm afraid, uh, that you, uh...
need to...
Stay on the floor! Uh, no, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I was, uh, giving instructions to my dog.
Yeah, I'm-I'm afraid that this time you need to, uh...
stick... around...
for several months, or...
perhaps until the end of time.
Uh, just a little doctor joke there, G.
Yeah.
No, I'm just calling to make sure that you're okay.
Yeah, I-I-I know that you're disappointed.
No, as soon as the heat breaks, I'll-I'll call to...
make another appointment.
Yeah, I'm sorry. Thanks. Bye-bye.
Did he buy that?
I think so.
He sounded awfully sad, though.
He did?
Okay, now I can get him to sign the contract.
- Oh, my God. - Kate! Kate!
What, what, what, what? No, what? Where are you going?
Ricky, how? G trusted you. I trusted you.
- You can trust me. - Oh, please!
Okay, honey, that was wrong. That was wrong.
Listen, sweetie, don't be upset with me. I need-need more time.
But don't be upset. Not when everything's goin' good for us.
Going good? I just watched you lie to our friend.
No, but that was isolated. I didn't wanna do it. I'll tell you all about it.
I had a meeting with McBainbridge this morning. I had this idea...
which I alluded to last night, about phasing him out eventually...
but he said my job depends on getting him to sign this contract.
Oh, so all's fair, never mind what's good or right for anybody else.
- No, no, I think you're being irrational. - Trying to persuade me...
- I'm stupid is not a good way to win the argument. - Okay, okay.
Just tell me what you want me to do to make it right. Please.
Okay. Okay.
No, Kate.
John, I wanted to talk to you about Ricky's contract.
Speaking of contracts, is it settled?
- Is what settled? - I'm putting G on prime time.
His own show. Hayman's gonna produce, if he doesn't screw up.
Oh, he won't screw up.
Ricky's a go-to, game-on-the-line guy.
In fact, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, John.
I wanted to recommend that you renew Ricky's contract.
I think the two of you make an excellent team.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
You two are cut from the same cloth. Anything for a buck. Destroying G...
Hold it a second! If I recall, you're the one who talked me into using G...
with your 30% rise in calls.
Well, I was wrong. I wish I never had.
Well, if you don't like it, fine! Now you've said your piece.
But it's not your network, it's my network...
and nobody tells me how to run my network.
I created you. You walk when I tell you to walk. You run when I tell you to run.
And you sell what I tell you to sell!
I will not sell my soul.
Kate, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate!
I just can't believe I was right about you after all.
I never wanted to be wrong so much in my life.
- Ricky Hayman? - Yeah.
- Hello? - Kate, hi, it's Ricky.
Hello?
- A contract? - Yeah, it's, uh...
it's for six months with provisions for extending it if things are going well...
and you're gonna be paid... very well, of course.
But you can put some aside for your future...
or, or, uh, give it to a charity.
Is this what you want?
Because if this is what you want, all you have to do is ask, and I'll do it.
Yeah. Would you sign?
Well, Mr. Hayman, what have we here?
Ah. Is this what I think it is?
Well, I'll be dipped in shit. You have done it, my boy.
I can't believe it!
Proud of you! Proud of you! Come on.
Let me usher you to your new digs.
Follow me. Follow me.
Well, here you are, Hayman. The command module.
All systems go.
And I want you to screw your courage to the sticking post and blast off!
Proud of you, my boy. Proud of you.
- Hello? - Please don't hang...
I just want you to know that G's in the studio, and we're almost ready...
so you should get down to the control booth.
Okay, be there in a sec.
- Okay. - Thank you.
Here we go. Camera one, you are wide shot. Camera two, you're tight on G.
Camera three, you are roaming on product. Camera four, you're ready. Stand by.
- Camera three, are you ready? Come on. Back it up. - G's ready. He's out of make-up.
- Oh, there you are. - Here I am.
- Ready? - Very much so.
- Okay. - One minute!
- Show time. - Yeah... Wait, wait.
Uh, you know what?
Don't do it. Don't-Don't do the show.
Don't do the show. Leave the studio right now.
- Continue your journey. - What?
Yeah. You know, it's not you.
The show's... if you do it, you're gonna be big, big.
Everybody's gonna be crazy about you, but, uh...
Just go and...
You had a call two days ago from Dr Simon.
That was Barry pretending to be Dr Simon. I put him up to it...
and your heart is... fine.
- What? - I know my heart's fine.
So is yours, Ricky. So is yours.
- What do you mean? You knew? - Oh, yes, I've known all along.
Well, so why'd you stay?
I stayed 'cause I wanted to help you, and because I like you.
But most of all, you really make me laugh. You're a very funny man.
Yeah, well, I've gotten... I've gotten...
so that I don't wanna strangle you so much as I used to.
But-But, uh... You know, really...
take off, 'cause, you know, I'm gonna, you know...
I don't wanna change my mind, you know...
Beautiful man, Ricky.
I'm a dead man.
All right.
And cue announcer.
It's The G Spot!
Philosophy, a higher state of consciousness...
and nonstop shopping!
- Here's G! - Fade up, camera one. Cue G.
G! G! G! G!
He's always full of surprises.
- Surprise, surprise, surprise. - Hang in there, guys.
Hi, I'm Ricky Hayman.
What is he doing?
Thank you. And G, um...
is my friend.
And he's... a special fellow.
I know... Yeah, I know you guys know that.
That's why you're here or why you're watching.
But that's also the reason that, um...
I couldn't let him do this tonight.
So... Yeah. I'm here to apologize to you and to our viewers...
'cause G agreed to continue doin' this show if I asked him to...
but I had to, uh, let him go.
Let him go?
Because I knew that he...
would be happier in his heart...
if he continued on his journey.
And it wouldn't have been right of me to keep him here.
I mean, you don't know me, but this is... For once in my life...
I wanted to do the right, the right thing.
I mean, he doesn't care about worldwide audiences, certainly...
or fame or money, for that matter; that's me.
I'm, I'm guilty...
Get me Security! I want Hayman out of here! Now!
All G cares about is for us to see life...
As the gift that it is.
Kill this! Yank that son of a bitch!
Okay. Sure. What would you like me to go to?
- Anything! - Okay, sure. Let me find...
Oh, for Christ's sake. I'll do it myself. Assholes!
...real, real hard.
Of course, I'm not G. I'm just a...
a regular, a regular type, but, um...
I think... I'm finally gettin' it.
That you never... feel more whole...
and right...
than when you love... another person...
and when you know that that other person loves you back.
And I had that.
But I might have messed it up just a...
just a little bit ago.
Her name's Kate, and, uh...
she made me wanna do better...
to do what was right.
And I didn't listen. And I'm real, real...
sorry... that I didn't do this before.
Not that doin' the right thing hasn't cost me.
You know, I've lost my job.
Yeah, the...
The second G was out, so was I, but, um...
You know... Hey!
Look, look who's there. You know who that is? That's, uh, Mr. McBainbridge.
Can you get a shot of Mr. McBainbridge? Turn around.
Will, can you please get a shot of Mr. McBainbridge?
This is my boss, or my ex-boss.
No, no, no. No, no, wait a second. Wait a second.
No, no, no, don't boo. Don't boo. He's not evil.
He's just, uh, alone, I think.
You know what he needs is... a hug.
If you see this guy on the street, give him a hug. Or, no, better yet, give him a kiss.
Give him a big kiss... on the cheek.
It'll help him.
Don't fight him, Mr. McBainbridge. Ah, they're fighting like two bears.
Mr. McBainbridge. Mr. McBainbridge.
We love you, Mr. McBainbridge. Yes.
Oh, I like you too. You too.
Y... What?
Say it. You're on TV. Say.
Barry, there's a call for Ricky.
Put it through to the floor. Ricky, you've got a phone call.
I do?
- Should I take a call? I... - Yes!
Okay. Hello.
This isn't fair. I should have my own show to answer you on.
- Kate? - It's Kate!
Yeah!
- It's Kate. - That's nice.
You've been so public about your feelings. I wish I could do the same.
Well, maybe QVC'll give you a show. Where are you?
I'm in the car racing to get to you. I would have called...
- We lost her. Hello? - Hello?
- Hi, hi, there you are. Where are you now? - I'm so close.
- I'm at the studio. - I'll see you at the front. I'll see you at the front door.
What do I do?
- What do we do? I don't know. - Stay with him. Stay with him.
I'm on it.
Brutus, Brutus, you're missing all the good stuff, Brutus. Move it, move it!
Kate!
- They're so sweet together. - Yeah.
Yeah, okay. Now move around.
Move to the left. Move to the left. Come around. Come around left.
Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. Oh, that's great. That's great, guys.
Oh, this is great stuff. This is great stuff.
Come here.
Oh, they're taking off. Go with them again. Follow them again.
Keep goin', keep goin'. Oh, that's beautiful.
- Stay with them. - Don't do that!
Way to go, Ricky. Way to go.
- I'm sorry. - It doesn't matter.
- I'm so sorry. - It doesn't matter.
I love you.
I love you, Kate.
Goodbyes are so sad.
Yes, some goodbyes are very sad.
And other goodbyes are like, "Hallelujah, that pajama-wearing...
urine-sipping, floor-sleeping freak has left my house forever. "
That really was herbal tea, right?
I don't know, Robert.
Maybe you'll come back.
You know, winters are really great down here.
We're gonna be together whenever we think about each other.
For me, I promise that'll be every night.
Goodbyes are sad. Especially this goodbye.
- I really don't wanna say goodbye. - Uh-uh.
Kate.
Robert Ricky.
Your good is better. Your better is blessed.
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